Violette Thorngate Exquisite Dominance

Aug 28 2012 On Thresholds and Topping From The BottomCategory: General     03:26PM   1

My most sexually innocent friend, who we’ll call Mona, struggles to grasp This Thing We Do.

To begin with, Mona is almost always shocked when I describe a fantasy someone might have. Even activities that are fairly commonplace for kinky people scandalize her. She just can’t comprehend how these things could be exciting, erotic, or in any way desirable!

On top of that, Mona, like many people, has a hard time understanding where the balance lies between Dominant and submissive when it comes to choosing what to do. "They WANT you to epilate their testicles? They ASK you to make them write ‘i am sorry for my pitiful behavior’ 200 times?" I explain that very few people actually request that I do specific awful things to them.

What we both want is the result of those awful things. The rush of trust and surrender. The intimacy of fear and adventure all swept up together and placed in the hands of another. The depth of devotion and the courage of having endured. My proud and dancing eyes. The psychological nakedness. For a submissive person, it can be less about what you do and more about the way you feel during or after the doing. While I love the acts themselves, for me your despair, your humiliation, and your enthusiasm are even hotter.

Because of this, you need never fear that your threshold for pain, humiliation, or any other act won’t be “enough” for me. Some people start to panic in the midst of a moderate spanking while others beg for more even as the heavy cane is drawing blood. My kick comes from the energy fostered between us and knowing that I have pushed you and you have yielded to me. I suppose I fit into the category of “consensual sadist.”

“So they tell you what to do to them, however weird, and you just do it?” Mona asks. “Not exactly,” I explain.* I like to hear requests and fantasies and previous experiences not so that you can choreograph the experience word for word, but so that I can better understand where you’ve been and where we might be going. I use this information to determine compatibility and setting, to find my inspiration. I don’t consider the sharing of fantasies to be “topping from the bottom,” I consider it to be “providing data”!

*The possible exception to this is the pure fetishist, which is a fascinating thing in itself and deserves it’s own blog post another day.

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Olivia Fitzgerald said on 08-31-2012 at 7:38 pm:
Ha- "providing data", I like that. I'd be interested to read your post on fetishists if/when you do write it. They tend to provide a *lot* of data.