Violette Thorngate Exquisite Dominance

Apr 10 2010 Haiku: Dedication From a DistanceCategory: General     11:25AM   0

A certain groveling submissive creature has been laboring to craft haiku for me- one per day for a week. So far, so good. Despite his appalling inability to count syllables, the sentiments expressed are quite nice. For our purposes the frame has been set at the common 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Although of course there are a number of ways to structure a haiku, I think it's best we start with the grade school parameters and practice our counting.

I am broken down
she has claimed what is hers
her power fills me

My least favourite. True as it may be, it does smack a bit of the cliche present in so much submissive poetry and prose. Note the subtle cheat of "claim-ed" as two syllables. Reading the works of a greater poet, I wouldn't hesitate. In the case of this clumsy bard, I had specified 5-7-5. Never fear, concerned reader. He will learn the hard way.



All pain endured
high mountains are conquered
so her eyes shine
 

Decidedly better content, although the form still suffers a 4-6-4 count. He claims that the "-ed" is it's own syllable, but even if it were, is one to pronounce it "ey-es"?


 
Whisper of nylon...
An ant struggles on the pin
before darkness falls
 
This is my favourite of all the entries so far. Perfect count; just as I had hoped. The image of submissive as helpless insect, impaled and beyond escape, the suggestion of the ominous darkness falling, and the allusion to my stockings... It could be a song by The Cure.  
 
Brava. I look forward to reading more of them in the coming days!

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